As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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