it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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