3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
