I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
