After last night, I could never be a politician.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize