Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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