Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
