it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
