I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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