No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
