im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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