I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize