Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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