He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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