NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
