Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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