i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
be right there i have to get my cape
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
