Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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