it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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