The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
