he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My ATM looks so different sober.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
