I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize