You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
