can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
