Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
