i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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