Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
