I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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