it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
