Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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