I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
