K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
