we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
