There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
