your thong is hanging out like whoa
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
