Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
