yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
