but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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