You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
