woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
