also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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