eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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