I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
