i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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