oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize