He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Who died my cat blue again?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
