you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
