If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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