I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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