I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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