I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
