Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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