Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
