I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
