I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
