dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
