I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The feeling are messing with the penis
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize