I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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