I think I am morally bankrupt
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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