Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I could make wine with my vomit
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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