you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize