I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
