I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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