we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
