That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize