i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
