What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
