Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
