Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
