Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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