Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize