Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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