haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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