just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
