I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
