my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
