escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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