wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
