Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize