wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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