never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
