Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
