Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
