I wish I could punch you in the face.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
