Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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