So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
bring money and cleavage
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
