Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What a dumb baby whore.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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