she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I look better un-naked...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize