Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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