D3 body, D1 cock
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
