Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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