As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
