WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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