i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize