Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
