I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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