It's Friday. Sex?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
