I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
