Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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