It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize