I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
