The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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