this beer tastes like vomit already
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
