I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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