so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
