i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
