I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize