I wish I could teleport
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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