If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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