You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
