Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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