You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
