never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
wow bdsm is so cute
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
