I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
